Dr. Mechano and the Gems of Mayhem

Chapter 1: A Man and His Machines

There I was, with my ear pressed against a safe. The bank’s alarms were already blaring, and I knew the cops would be arriving any minute now. Still, you can’t rush art. Cracking this safe open required my utmost-

“Boss! Hey boss!”

…concentration. My hand slipped on the combination lock, and I shot an annoyed glare at one of my henchmen. Well, not a hench-man so much as a hench-bot. See, I’m no ordinary thief. I’m the notorious evil genius, Dr. Mechano - master of machines! From robots to laser beams to high-tech heisting gadgets, I can build anything I set my brilliant mind to! And right now, my brilliant mind was being jolted out of focus by one of my minion androids, or Minioids as I liked to call them.

“Yes, Bit?” I asked the Minioid, who was bouncing up and down excitedly. I was more than a little irritated at having to start over on the safe-cracking, but I just couldn’t stay mad at my creations. They were always so eager to assist me in my diabolical schemes - just like I designed them to be.

“Hee hee!” Bit reached into their pockets, “You know all those-”

“You know all those people?” another Minioid shoved Bit aside, interrupting them. “You know, the ones you sent outside once we arrived at the bank, boss?”

“Hey! I was gonna say that, Byte!” Bit huffed.

“Nuh uh! You were taking too long!” Byte argued.

“People? What about them?” I asked. The Minioids were referring to the bank’s employees and patrons. As soon as I set foot in the bank, I fired a shot into the ceiling with my trusty raygun and told everyone to get lost - which they quickly did. I was here for cash, not hostages, after all. Besides, having a bunch of people around could only complicate things; What if a pesky hero showed up and then some innocent bystander got hurt in the middle of our epic battle? I may be a villain, but I’m above senseless brutality.

“Hey, get off me!”

Speaking of which, the Minioids’ little argument had devolved into a full-scale brawl. They were wrestling and childishly shouting at each other on the bank floor. And for some reason, a third Minioid had run over and joined the fray, happily wailing on the other two.

“Huh? What are you fighting for, Nibble?” Bit asked, giving Byte a good shove.

“I just thought it looked like fun!”

“Attention!” I shouted, and the three of them stopped, looking in my direction. Byte gave Bit one last smack, and then grinned up at me. I sighed, and asked once more, “What was it about the people I sent out that warranted you interrupting me?”

“Weeeell…” Bit grinned mischievously, holding an assortment of items. The other Minioids did likewise - presenting loose change, jewelry, a few wallets, and some sheets of paper, “We pickpocketed everyone on their way out!”

Pickpocketing? Really? We’re master thieves, not common street hoodlums. I wanted to tell the Minioids that this sort of thing was beneath us, and yet… What kind of inventor would I be if I dashed my robots’ dreams? Why, they were only taking after their dear old creator! They were showing initiative! Stealing even without having to be told to! I was so proud of them.

“Excellent work, my robotic rapscallions!” I said, patting each of them on the head, causing them to giggle softly, “We’ll add it to our haul today!”

“Yaaaay!” the Minioids cheered. As they began to dance and play in celebration, something in their modest pile of loot caught my eye. One of the sheets of paper was… Could it be?

“Where did you get this?” I asked, snatching up the paper.

“Hm?” Nibble rubbed their chin, as if trying to remember, “I think the old guy in the nice suit had that. Sorry, boss! He didn’t have money or jewels like some of the others…”

“Oh ho ho!” I laughed, “This is far better than that! That ‘old guy in the suit’ must have been the bank president, and if I’m reading this paper correctly, it has the safe code on it!”

“Oooh…” the Minioids gasped in awe. I entered the code on the safe I’d been trying to crack, and sure enough the heavy metal door swung open on the first try. What on Earth was the president doing, just carrying this around in his pocket? I knew he was getting old, but was his memory that bad? Ah well, this worked out great for us! Inside the large safe were stacks and stacks of money. By my count, there was at least ten million dollars here. I grabbed fistfuls of cash and began shoveling it into a duffel bag, my Minioids holding the bag steady as I filled it with money.

“That’s everything!” I said, “Now let’s get while the getting’s good!”

“Right!” my Minioids said in unison, turning toward the front door of the bank. We just had to get to my hovercar outside, and we’d be out of here!

“Freeze, dirtbag!”

Of course it wouldn’t be that simple. A lone cop stood at the door, aiming his pistol at me. His hands shook unsteadily, and beads of sweat dripped from his brow. I smirked at the officer, which only caused him to tense up even more.

“Evening, officer!” I chortled, nudging the bag of money behind me with my foot, “What seems to be the problem?”

“Get your hands up where I can see them!” the policeman barked.

Well, it was worth a try. I did as I was told, and the Minioids imitated my movements, raising their little metallic arms.

“Th-there…! Now don’t move!” the cop said, his gun still drawn on me.

I sighed, shaking my head, “Now, now. Didn’t your mother ever teach you that it’s rude to point at people?”

With my hands still raised high, I moved my index finger ever so slightly, and the cop’s hands suddenly lurched forward in surprise, as his gun was yanked out of them. The gun flew through the air in a straight line, right into my hand, which closed around it. Grinning, I looked down at the firearm, and back to the now-unarmed officer.

“My gun!” the cop shouted, taking a step back.

Ahh, saved by another one of my brilliant inventions: the Plunder Magnet! Hidden in each of my gloves was a powerful magnet that I could switch on and off with ease. I usually used it to quickly scoop up coins, precious metals, and other valuables. But it works in a pinch to swipe metallic weapons such as guns too. As long as it’s metal, I can drag it toward me. It’s a good thing that cop didn’t have any silver dental fillings… Ouch.

“N-no! I’m gonna be shot… with my own gun!” the cop sputtered in a panic.

“Pah! You insult me,” I scoffed, looking over the pistol, “I find these things barbaric. They’re so… primitive. Minioids, take this apart, would you? We’ll use it for scrap metal in my next invention or something…”

I tossed the gun to the Minioids, who all began rapidly disassembling it. The little mechanical munchkins were quite adept at taking apart machines. Whenever I turn them loose on a car, they can break it down to its individual parts in minutes, so I knew a gun wouldn’t pose much of a challenge to them.

The cop sighed in relief, his breathing still heavy from the shock, “S-so you’re not gonna shoot me…”

“Well, now, I didn’t say that,” I grinned, unholstering my raygun. Unlike that drab pistol, it was a bright-red blaster covered in flashing lights. The barrel was a funnel adorned with a series of metallic rings that focused the laser, which made a series of computerized beeps and boops as I locked onto the cop with the aiming reticle. In short, it positively screamed “mad scientist.” The cop’s eyes widened in shock as I fired a laser beam, hitting him square in the head. Immediately, the cop dropped to the floor.

…Oh, relax. I didn’t kill the guy. My raygun’s power settings are adjustable, and the beam I shot him with was only about as strong as a good hard punch to the face. He’d wake up sore, but he’d be fine.

“Nighty night, copper!” Nibble giggled, poking the unconscious officer’s face, as Bit and Byte fished loose bills out of his pockets.

“Alright, now let’s get out of here!” I said, hoisting the money bag over my shoulder. But before my Minioids could even respond, I heard a sickening sound - police sirens. Several cruisers screeched to a halt outside, and I knew that in seconds, more cops would be charging into the building. Now, one or two cops, I could handle. But I’m not fast or strong enough to take down an entire platoon of police. I needed to get out of there, and fast.

I noticed a thin ray of sunlight shining down through the ceiling. Ah, that’s right - a hole where I’d fired my raygun earlier. That was it!

Without a word, I began blasting wildly at the ceiling, causing bits of rubble to come crashing down with each shot.

“Uh… boss?” Bit asked, raising a metallic eyebrow.

“The Doc’s finally lost it!” Byte cried.

“Yeah! Take that, ceiling!” Nibble cheered.

With one final shot, a huge slab of the roof came falling down, landing on the floor with a loud, mighty thud. I gazed up at the sky - at freedom!

“Alright, grab onto me!” I instructed, as the Minioids hung on tight. I turned a dial on my belt, and a hatch opened, revealing a red laser pointer. I leaned back, aligning the laser sight with the ledge of the hole I’d blasted in the ceiling, and pressed a button.

SHHHH-CLANG! A heavy-duty, reinforced grappling cable shot out of my belt and wedged itself in the concrete. A perfect shot!

“Stop right there!” a voice rang out. Drat! The cops were here!

“Going up!” I said, as the grappling cable began to rapidly retract, pulling me, the Minioids, and the money up to the roof. 

BANG! BANG! BANG! Gunshots had started ringing out. Fortunately, I was zipping toward the roof so quickly that most of them missed. Unfortunately, you’ll notice that I said most of them missed, not all. One bullet shot clear through my grappling cable, severing it in two! My Minioids yelped as gravity started to pull us down, but we were so close that I managed to grasp the ledge, clinging onto it for dear life! 

“Hurry, get on the roof and help me up!” I ordered, as a bullet zoomed right past my face. The Minioids climbed up over me, stepping on my head (ouch, thanks a lot, Minioids) and then helped pull me - and of course, the stolen cash - up and out of the line of fire. Whew, talk about a close one! 

Er… now what?

I looked down at the street toward my hovercar, which was - as expected - already surrounded by cops. We’d have to escape another way. Now that I had just a moment to breathe, I tapped a button on my monocle, which made a pleasant beeping sound in response.

“Doctor?” a prim, proper, gentlemanly voice echoed through a tiny speaker on the monocle, “How goes the heist, sir?”

“We’ve run into a little snag, Robutler!” I told the robot on the other end of the call, “I don’t suppose you could come pick us up, could you?”

“Certainly, sir! I’ll track your GPS signal and be right there. I shan’t be but a moment.”

“That’s good, because we don’t have but a moment!” I said. It wouldn’t be long before the police would climb their way up after us, so we needed to keep moving. I looked around, and… there! A fire escape on an adjacent apartment building!

“Up we go!” I said, leaping across the narrow gap between the bank and the apartments. The Minioids followed after me, and we were soon shimmying up the metallic staircases adorning the building’s exterior. Before long, we reached the apartment’s rooftop. I got a running start and leaped to the next building, and then the next one. I was on a roll. I guess this “parkour” thing wasn’t so bad, actually! I prepared to jump to yet another rooftop, but stopped just in time - the gap between the buildings looked just a little too long. If I’d jumped here, I’d have ended up a brilliant pancake.

“Drat…” I murmured, rubbing my chin, “If the cops hadn’t shot my grappling cable, I could have used that to get across.”

My Minioids giggled.

“We’ve got this one, boss!” Bit said.

“Bridge formation, ho!” Byte said.

“Hee hee, you said- oof!” Nibble giggled, as Byte shoved them aside.

The three of them grabbed each other’s ankles - with Nibble holding onto Byte’s legs, and Byte holding onto Bit’s. Nibble walked to the edge of the rooftop and anchored their legs right into it, before tilting downward, swinging the other Minioids along with themselves. In a single motion, the three of them had formed a makeshift bridge, with Bit - at the front - grabbing onto the next rooftop.

“Come on, boss!” Bit said, “Use us to get to the other side!”

Despite being such small robots, my Minioids were sturdy. I didn’t cheap out on materials while building them, and I knew they could support my weight. Nodding, I took a tentative step onto the Minioids, and made my way across, before pulling the three of them over to join me.

“Ha ha! That was brilliant, you three!” I congratulated them, “You all clearly inherited my resourcefulness!”

“Heh heh…” Bit grinned smugly, “I think that’s worth a bonus, huh, boss?”

Byte and Nibble nodded eagerly.

“Oh, why not?” I smiled, “You all were superb on today’s heist! Bonuses for everyone!”

“Woohoo!” the Minioids cheered.

What? Are you surprised that I pay my robots? They do work for me, after all. What kind of boss would I be if I didn’t reward them for a job well done? Just because they’re lifeless machines doesn’t mean they aren’t people! Everyone in my gang gets a cut of the heist. That’s one of my unbendable rules.

“Anyway, we’ve gotten far enough away that the cops won’t find us,” I sighed, catching my breath after my most daring escape, “Now to just wait for Robutler to come pick us up. We’re home free now!”

“Yeah!” “Woohoo!” “Awesome!” my Minioids chattered away, happy with another heist behind us. But then I felt a shadow over me.

“MECHANO!” an all-too-familiar deep voice bellowed, “The only place you’re going is straight to jail!”

I looked up at the man who was shouting at me. It was unmistakable who he was - with his flowing white cape, his blue spandex suit, and his spiky hair made of pure glistening ice. What I couldn’t see - what I’d never seen - were his eyes, obscured by a reflective red visor.

“Wait, is that…?” “Oh no! It’s…” the Minioids nervously whispered, as I stood up to greet our guest.

“Long time no see,” I grinned cockily at my arch-nemesis, “Captain Cool.”